I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
