dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
