Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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