I need moral support for this bender
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
