thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
