so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
