I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
tell me about the eggs
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
