we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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