im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
