I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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