I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just gift wrapped bread.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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