My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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