Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize