I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
