he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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