some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
