Can i not drive my cunt home
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She has the best kind of daddy issues
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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