We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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