I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
