As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
