I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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