It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
