so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
