Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
