True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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