Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
