now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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