I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
