If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
