Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
