Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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