Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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