i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
