Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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