you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
