CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
