I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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