your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize