Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
