i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
