She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize