Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
