Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
