Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
