I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
