your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
