the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
