I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
