I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
