I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
