I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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