I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
