who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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