Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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