I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
