went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You are a genius and a whore.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
