Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
