Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize