I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
