why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize