you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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