i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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