just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
